


Pride and Regrets

by IMadeYouAPromise



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Implied Domestic Violence, M/M, completely plotless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 14:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IMadeYouAPromise/pseuds/IMadeYouAPromise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Merlin turns to his best friend when his relationship with Arthur becomes too much to handle alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pride and Regrets

The rain was ruthless. It had drenched me through to my bones but it wasn’t stopping there. I was convinced it wouldn’t stop until it had displaced every drop of blood in my system. Then there was the wind. The forty miles per hour, bitterly cold wind that was relentlessly biting at my soaked skin. I vaguely remember thinking that this was how I was going to die. They’d find my body lying exactly where I stood now – outside my best friend’s house, staring at the front door. Cause of death: Hypothermia as a direct result of morbid stupidity. I tried to sigh, but my teeth were chattering so aggressively that all that came out was a vocalised shiver. It was at that point that I knew I had to swallow my pride and finally do what I’d spent the past thirty seven and a half minutes debating with myself about. I stiffly raised one cold-numbed arm and weakly rapped on the bright red wooden door in front of me. I immediately brought my arm back into my body, desperate to return it to the barely warm spot it had made for itself against my chest. I waited for a few seconds, then a few more, then a lot more. I waited for a good twenty four seconds before the door finally swung open.  
I was met with a pair of deep, brown eyes which displayed first resolute annoyance at being disturbed, then faint confusion and maybe even elation before finally settling on indifference. It was an alien thing, to see vacancy in the usually expressive eyes. Those very same eyes that could tell a story with one single glance were now looking right into mine and I couldn’t read a single thing. Another thing that was new between us was the silence. The only sounds that could be heard were the raindrops pounding the pavement, the gusts causing eerie whistling noises as they passed through gaps in fences and the like and my own teeth chattering like those wind-up toys. Neither of us said a word, we just stared each other down, waiting for the other to be the first to crack. We didn’t break eye contact; whoever did would surely be the weak one. We stood for what felt like the longest time merely staring as if we were trying to read each other’s souls. It wasn’t working for me. For the first time in our decade long friendship, my ability to read thoughts and feelings was failing me. Due to that fact, I had to be the one to concede. I was the first to crack.  
“You were right.”  
When the words finally came out, they were quiet, they were hoarse and they betrayed every shred of emotion I had left in me. It had taken me three months to be able to admit that and now that I finally had, the weight of it lifted right off my shoulders. I shouldn’t have let myself slip into a false sense of security though, as the weight crashed right back into me and my whole world went black.

As I slowly regained consciousness, I became aware of three things. Firstly, I had the mother of all headaches. Secondly, I was no longer wet and cold. And finally, once I opened my eyes, those chocolate orbs had finally salvaged some emotion. Finding comfort in this, I widened my gaze to include the face that housed those eyes. I let myself rememorize the very slightly tanned absolutely perfect. As my eyes scanned my best friend’s face, they caught movement and fixed on the lips which were now stretching into a small, sad smile. I raised my gaze once again and was greeted by a million unspoken questions and a mountain of concern which had no necessity to be voiced. 

“It took you this long to realise,” were the first words that left his mouth.

I nodded and slowly sat up, for the first time recognising that I was in a large double bed, encased in a thick duvet and wearing dry clothes that were a little too big for me. He reached out a hand and gently traced patterns around the freshest of the bruises before trailing it up to gently, so as not to aggravate any of the cuts and grazes, rest on the side on my face. His thumb skimmed the skin just below the shiner on my left eye and a pained sigh escaped him as he analysed each and every one of the marks that I had been left with. I knew this hurt him almost as much as it did me and that just made the situation worse. I reached up and took the hand away from my face, interlocking my fingers with his. His eyes finally returned to mine and the overwhelming despair I saw there almost knocked the breath right out of my lungs. That only intensified when he saw the resolve that was already settled behind my own blue irises. 

“You’re going back to him,” he whispered. I lowered my gaze slightly, not wanting to see that pain anymore. “But Merlin…”

“I have to,” I said, quietly but firmly. I knew he could hear the reluctance in my voice; I couldn’t keep it from seeping into every syllable. He didn’t argue with me though. He merely took me into his arms and allowed me to bury my face into his chest while his lips rested on top of my head.

“It could have been me,” he murmured into my hair. I closed my eyes at the truth in his words, at the realisation – again – of the mistake I had made. I fought back the tears and waited until I felt I could trust my voice again.

“I know, Gwaine,” I sighed dejectedly. “I really wish it was.” 


End file.
